POZlife

POZLife: Life from the Infected and Effected point of veiw.

Truth or Consequences

Posted by pozlife on July 3, 2006

Yesterday I watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time, I know I am the only homo in the world who had not seen it ! Mom went to see it , but I think I was sick and it only stayed in our small blip on the map for a few days. It was strange while watching it I thought of a game show that was on when I was a kid it was called ” Truth or Consequences “. I think that the contestant came out and told the semi star studded panel something about themselves. If it was a lie and they guessed that it was, the contestant then had to do a funny stunt. This was not fear factor days , so it was a lame stunt involving balloons or lightweight paper…you get the idea.

I began to think about how as homosexuals most of us lie , even before we know what homosexuality is , most of us know society scorns us. Not all, but a select few are lucky enough to grow up in safe homes, where sexuality is not an issue. Those of us who do not quickly learn to lie. These lies grow bigger as we age , from the ” people ” that we date that no one ever sees , to the gender of our first sexual partner on that day when we glow and everyone knows something has changed.

Being a good lier takes practice and is a learned trait. Fear not Obie-wan for the force is with us , that unseen force that tells our bodies who to respond to and our survival instinct tells us to weave great stories out of midnight trysts. These lies cause great harm not only to the fabricator but to friends and family as well. Often the lies go so far as marriage and even the production of children , most doomed to failure.

Those lies in turn make it hopeless for us to have full relationships with people. Some of us begin to lie even to the people we have no need to lie to. Why, because it becomes part of the very fabric of our daily lives, we use one lie to cover another. It becomes the way we deal with all aspects of our lives, it is a shield between us and the world.

In keeping with our lies we have sex in quick out of the way places, where no one knows our name nor are they about to ask. Our basic animal need overcoming us, to a point where all caution is tossed to the wind . Only to be blown back in our faces when the encounter ends, leaving us desiring true love , not just lust filled sex. Some of us never know true love, instead we have a kind of half love that fills rooms but never enters a crowd.

If we did not live in a society that governs its morals by a book of fables , fables used in the guise of religion. With only some of the fables marked as true, others just overlooked. As it is so many of us can’t broadcast our love, instead it is whispered in dark corners and answered with guileful glances. If the day ever comes when homosexual is not a word of curse and scorn to so many, will deception for the sake of homosexual love stop ?

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