Posted by pozlife on July 29, 2006
I wonder if homophobia is not in some part straight men being envious of gay men. A straight male friend and I had a talk last week, after he had seen “Cruising” for the first time.
The first thing he said was ” Its a fantasy right?
“What the murders”
“No the sex” He asked ?
“No there is that much sex and more out there” I said.
We began to talk and I found out that including his wife , he has slept with 5 women. When he asked me how many men I had sex with , I had to tell him more than I can remember and less than I hope to before I die. When my lover Mike and I first met I was young and it was the late 70’s. In the 70’s and 80’s most gay men may have had a lover but open relationships were the rule. Maybe even more so in the rural south, where it just did not look right for two guys of ” suspicious sexuality ” to be together all the time. Also Mike and I never made the leap to “lovers” until the late 80’s, while we always dated and often lived together, I could not get him to commit…it was strange that I , the much younger one wanted him to commit. It has something to do with my distant alcoholic father or so the psychologist in me thinks !
My friend could not believe me when I said even right now, I could go to Raliegh,Charlotte or Greensboro and have just about as much sex as I wanted . He then said ” but you have to pay for it,right?”
“Hell no ” I said
I told him that if you so wanted there would be no talk before sex , as a matter of fact most of the talking in these places was the grunts,groans and slurping of excited participants. If you struck out another would be along in a few minutes , and unless you want to ,there would be no talking after either and no invites home for bed and breakfast! The fact that a gay man could go out and have as much anonymous sex as he wanted was mind blowing to him.
As we talked my friend and I realized something. Men , straight or gay, still have that deep genetic need to spread seed . Maybe straight men are jealous because they don’t get the chance to “pollinate” that we gay men do. We all know that a lot of straight men have the 3 way fantasy , what if it were more ? An entire building of women who would have sex , ANY kind of sex that they wanted . No charge and no commitments!
Most straight people have no Idea what the sexual world of a gay man can be, not only that but a gay man has a choice of how he wants to pursue sex. I will admit that at times I have enjoyed the baths,bookstores,t-rooms,sex clubs,parking lots, parks and all the other sexually charged situations. I think that it is both a part of youth and a fringe benefit of the gay world……we gotta have a few or the recruitment process would never work!
After a joint my friend admitted to some jealousies. He said most straight men can only dream of the kinda of sexual networks that gay men have. Most were born out of need , what goes on behind closed doors can’t get you’re ass in the slammer and all. Then we started to use sex to almost an act of protest. That old “we gather to do what you so forbid” and by doing so we spit in the face of all you’re rules. I think that the quick no verbal sex came from the need to get it done and get it done fast , before we get caught.
I am not saying that every gay man has done this, but most of us know that it is out there! So just maybe some homophobia is homoenvy?
Sure there was all of that free love and peace in the straight world, I think that gay men took it too another level. Yes, you will find a few swingers clubs , but nothing exists as big as on the scope and scale of the gay sex club community.